wasted...

meet my studs last VBS (May 01-04, 2008)...

______________________________

feeling not-so-good today...

*** empty

*** hollowed

*** tired

***wasted

eloizagerl

- iyakin

- toyo

"i don't wanna be adored... i wanna be loved.."

- from the movie If only

ayos na!

So happy…

Got to talk to Ronron last night… *yey* he’s okay now… it was a short conversation but so heart-relieving (on my side I think)

Ring… ring….

Eloi: hello! hello!

Unknown Girl: Hello

Eloi: Eto po ba yung number ni Ronron? (is this Ron’s number)

Unknown Girl: oo… sino to? (yeah.. who’s this?)

Eloi: Si Eloisa po…

Unknown Girl: Uy ate, si lady to.. (now the unknown girl has a name)

Eloi: Uy Layds, musta na si Ronron? (Lady, how’s Ronron?)

Lady: ok na siya te… wag ka ng mag-alala… (he’s okay now… don’t worry anymore)

Eloi: Pwede na ba siyang makausap? (Can I talk to him?)

Lady: oo… sandali ah (hands over the phone to Ron)

Ron: hello… Eloi…

Eloi: Ronnnnnrrrooonnnnnnnnnn (shouting) Musta ka na tukmol ka? (How are you now?)

Ron: Buhay pa ko Loi… bumalik ako…. (I’m still alive.. I came back)

Eloi: (laughing) buhay ka pa ha…. (You’re still alive huh?)

Ron: oo Loi… tagal mo Loi… ba’t di ka pa dumadalaw? (why are you so long? When are you coming to visit me?)

Eloi: (knowing that he’s kidding… I answered back) di bale, mamaya dadating na ko… dadalawin na kita… (Later.. I’ll come to visit you later…)

Ron: tagal mo Loi eh… tagal na kitang inaantay (you’re so long…. I’ve been waiting for a long time…)

Eloi: musta na pakiramdam mo? (how do you feel now?)

Screech… screech… line breaking up…

Ron: naku mawawalan pa ng battery…. (my battery’s gonna die…)

Then… silence…

It was just I think less than three minutes but it was so worth it… so glad to hear his voice… so glad to actually think that I am talking to him… so glad he’s out of danger now…

After that I still tried to call him but his phone’s off already… so I just sent a message. I told him my heart is relieved to know that he’s okay. And I told him he should take extra careful of himself. No more hanging out during midnights in Laguna… wala ng tambay sa tapsilugan… just stay at home… Well I don’t know if that would help… I don’t know if that would keep them safe and away from danger… I just don’t want to receive another bad news like what happened…

It’s so amazing sometimes how God made you love those people in your lives to the point that you just want to keep them all in your sight and if it’s possible, you’ll just keep them inside your arms so they won’t go away and you won’t see them get hurt. God made me love them so much… me being far away didn’t change that fact. And I know they know that… Friends are precious gifts from God… a gift that is irreplaceable… a gift that is never changing… a gift that should be taken care of, loved, and valued so much…

My friends.. safe in my heart…

loonnng weekend :)

weekend recap...

SATURDAY 17/05/08 6:00AM

We had a ceremony in the office which requires us to be there by 6am. They invited monks to pray for our office and factory... well, being the only Christian here, sometimes, its so hard to draw a line between respecting your co-workers and compromising your belief. Attending those kind of ceremonies made me feel guilty. It feels like a sin... like I'm doing something bad and I'm compromising my faith. On the other hand, its not like I'm really attending, cause everytime we had those kind of activities here in our office, I just show up myself and then stay in the Accounts room while the ceremony is ongoing. Well that made me feel guilty too... in a sense that I'm not a good team member. While all the girls were preparing the food and the drinks for the monks and for all of us too, I was just there - NOT HELPING. Some of them understands, some, maybe they're mad at me... and they're thinking that just because I'm a foreigner, then I have the right to be a prima donna too... But there's nothing I can do... there's nothing I can do but PRAY... in the middle of the chanting that can be heard from the room where I was, I am praying so hard. Praying and interceeding for them... I only had the chance to share Jesus to my close friends here. During those times that they're asking about God, I am praying in my heart as well, that eventhough they don't understand me clearly (because of the language differences), God will speak to their hearts and make a way for them.

The thing finished at around 9am and then everyone is dismissed at 10am. wohoo... I can come back to Bangkok early. But to my dismay, my boss asked me to stay back for a little bit to finish some reports. I finished by 12nn. By 12:30pm, I am already in the bus on my way back. I reached Bangkok around 3:30pm, picked-up by Micah from the bus station then went to attend Joshua's party in President's park. Joshua Lingham is one of the kids who attends in ICA.. he used to be one of my student as well. After the party, me and my aunt went with the Lee Family cause sadly, my cousins decided to sleep over in their friends house and my uncle had a Badminton game. Reached Tai Ping around 7pm. Nothing to do... but Daniel has to finish his homeworks so we cannot go out. We just decided to buy ice cream... mmm... yummy! Then we watched the movie Lord of the Rings (Fellowship of the Ring) while our aunties are having fun in the massage place. They came back around 12:30 mn then Micah sends us home. The last time I saw before I finally close my eyes... 1:35am.

SUNDAY 18/05/2008 8:45am

Sunday is church day... its just different this time cause the kids are not there. No need to hurry I think cause nobody will be there to go next after me to use the bathroom. So, after the alarm rang at 8:45am, I shut it down again and told myself... "5 mins. more..." The five minutes became ten, then fifteen, then twenty... When I looked in my phone, it was already 9:05. I was 10 mins. late. I reached church at 9:40am. Good thing Teacher Ivy is there already to look out for the kids.

Regular Sunday... Children's Church... then Sunday School... then Worship Service. I was really blessed with the message from Ps. Chad - knowing God's personal will for our lives. He focussed more in the aspect that God sometimes God reveals His will for us through other people. And with that, I became more appreciative to all those people which God chose to be in my life. Those people who keeps on caring for me, and making theirselves willing and available to help me... I thank you God for those lives - they are a living proof of your grace and love for me.

After church, we went to Tai Ping to have lunch. Then we stayed back at Micah's place again, cause Auntie Aida, Ate Pinky and Ivy has to meet for their thesis. This time we saw the part 2 of the Lord of the Rings movie (The Twin Towers). After that, we went to Maneeya to celebrate with Joy and Jonathan as they are going to have their first baby. wohoooo!!!!!

My day went fine... until around past 12 midnight when i got a text message from my brother saying that my friend Ronron got shot accidentally. I cried myself to sleep that night, thinking and imagining things. "What if he'll not make it... what if he dies... what's gonna happen next... " With those things in my mind I remembered the pain I felt when two years ago I got a call from my brother saying that my father passed away. It brings back the pain of knowing that your love ones are suffering and you can't do anything cause you're a million miles away from them. I was crying and praying so hard in my heart and hoping that things will still be okay back there in the Philippines. Thank God though for someone who's been there to comfort me and stay with me while I was worrying and crying...

MONDAY 19/05/2008 07:00am

its holiday... so i stayed back with the Babia's. We went to Ayutthaya and see all the ruins. It was a fun day... though in my heart, I'm still thinking of what happened to Ronron. Still praying and hoping that everything will be fine. Gonna make a separate post for this event with all the pics and stuff. Just wanna say this day went good though it was really tiring and the weather is not helpful as well. At nighttime, me and kuya Nad hanged out with Micah. Walked around Central World then went to Thonglor and had a dessert. I wanted to stay longer but the headache I had since afternoon when we're walking in Ayutthaya was getting worse and made me feel like throwing up. So after we finished the dessert, Micah sends us back home.

Long weekends are fun... longer time I had to spend with people I love... thank you God for the days that passed... thank you God for family and friends... thank you God for good laughs and for long cries at night as well... thank you God.... looking forward for tomorrow and the days to come...

... still hoping Ronron is okay now...

missing them... so much... so much.... talaga promise!

In His Love

have been comforted with this old song from Sandi Patti...

truly it is...

in His love, that's the best place to be...

Last night, I started reading the book "In the presence of my enemies" by Gracia Burnham.That book has been with me for a long time but it was just only last night that I really started reading it. The book is about the story of the American Missionaries Gracia and Martin Burnhams who was kidnapped by the Abu Sayaff. During the actual time, (between 2001 and 2002) they have been all over the news around the globe. I can even remember a time that our church prayed for their safety.

While I was reading it, I look back in my life and remember the times I felt the same way as they did. Nervous... sad... alone... deserted... depressed... well, I haven't been kidnapped nd hopefully will not experience that. They are totally different situations, but the point is, the feelings are the same. And all of us go through that... whether its a relationship that just ended, or a frustration on something we can't have, or a death of someone we love, or just simply being lost in an unfamiliar place. There's always that time in our life that we feel like we were kidnapped... trapped... helpless... I remembered those times and honestly, it still looks real... it still gives back those feelings.

In the midst of that, I remembered this song... In His love, there's a place where you can always hide away... During those times that we know we're in that condition, that's when we should know that we can hide under God's love. I know this book is not about to encourage people to get angry at God because He lets things like this happen in our lives. It's about how God's love can shine through the darkness we are in... how His love can be amazingly perfect to make us feel okay... and how God's love can be there to embrace us and heal our hurts.

Sometimes, we are so caught up in our lives and all the things we want to have and things we want to achieve, we tend to forget the simple things that really matters. Last night... I just got reminded on one of it. God's love is my hiding place... I am safe there...

slave or steward?

It’s Saturday again… just a few hours more I’ll find myself sitting in a moving vehicle going back Bangkok (whether be it a bus or one of the manager’s car who happens to go be going back too, and lovingly give me a free ride back).

My week’s been pretty much normal… normal in a sense that there’s no unexpected holiday that came up that made me go back in the middle of the week. Work is still the same. Unending Debit-Credit moments, paper works and unnerving phone calls from suppliers who’s demanding for payment. Got used to it… hehe :) The truth is, its not fun doing the same things over and over again and apart from that, receiving calls from angry people you don’t clearly understand (cause they speak Thai and I’m still working out on that area) and trying to be nice to them. But work is work.

I remembered the first time I attended the Young Pro Fellowship at ICA (had the chance to attend because of the holiday), Ps. Chad discussed about what God says about Work, how He sees it and how we should see it too in our lives. That was a very helpful moment, especially in my stage right now that I’m really struggling about it. Well, I’ve been struggling for a long time already since September last year when I had to leave Bangkok and move here to Rayong (btw, Rayong is one of the provinces here in Thailand and its three hours away from the city).And that struggle is getting heavier and more unbearable as time passes by. Well I’m still in that phase, but now realizations came and it is easier to accept things. Work is work. It demands commitment and patience. On the other hand, work is just work. At the end of the day, once you step out of the office, you’re free again. You can watch your favorite TV Show or see a movie or eat in your favorite restaurant or get a good massage and spend time with people you love. We’re not a slave of it. God did not intend us to be slave of what we’re doing, He wants us to be good stewards of that thing He entrusted us and bless other people with the fruit of our labor. Thank God for that.

I will never forget two conversations I had with Kuya Manny – he’s one of the best kuya I had here in BKK. When I was so depressed with the fact that I have to move to here and leave the life I used to have in Bangkok, I quickly thought of quitting my job. But then he told me:

Kuya Manny: Mahalin mo yung trabaho mo… Mahirap nang makakita ng trabaho ngayon dito na magbibigay sa yo ng Visa… (love your work… etc… etc…)

I kept that words in my heart and everytime I feel cranky and wanting to go home again, I always remember that I should be thankful of what I have right now. Then a few months later, I had a phone conversation with him again:

Eloisa: Sorry, gusto kong pumunta kaya lang madaming trabaho e. Kelangan pang magtrabaho bukas… (I wanted to be there but I can’t… I still have work tomorrow.)
Kuya Manny: Bakit ka pa magtatrabaho bukas e holiday? (why are you working its holiday?)
Eloisa: E di ba sabi mo mahalin ko yung trabaho ko (you told me I should love my job)
Kuya Manny: oo nga.. pero di ko sinabing magpaalipin ka sa trabaho mo… (yeah but I didn’t told you to become a slave)

Our carreer is one aspect in our lives that we need to be very careful of. There's a thin line between loving our work and making our work the love of our life. There's a thin line between learning to relax and being a procrastinator. There's a thin line between working hard and giving other people a chance to abuse us. Are we a slave or a steward?

A few more hours, I’ll be on my way back home…. This pays up all the six days I spent working. Always the best part of the week… looking forward to it :)

weekend fever :p

Spoon and Fork or Chopsticks?

Have seen two movies back to back last weekend… Iron Man and Forbidden Kingdom.

Last Saturday, while I’m in the bus on my way back, Ivy gave me the news that they’re gonna wait for me and we’re gonna see the Iron Man. Cool…
I reached Emporium around quarter to 9pm and went to see them in Swensens. Since one of us saw it already (and that’s Micah), we’ve received an “unsolicited review” on how good this movie was so we’re all excited and thrilled to see it.

I can say it’s really nice. I enjoyed every bit of it. But somehow, we just cannot stop ourselves from comparing it to the previous superhero movies we saw. It’s like a combination of Spiderman, X-men and Batman (just very high-tech one). On the other hand, I liked the role that Gwyneth played in the movie. See… its true, there’s a woman behind every man’s success. Haha J The robot helper is the cutest… that’s just the part of it that makes it so light and so cute. It was really good. (Clap! Clap!) When it ended, we stayed till the showing of the credits was over (thanks to Benjie). Actually, that’s the reason why Micah paid again, he missed that very last part :P and that part…. Samuel Jackson, man… we’ll see what’s next then.

They walked me home since our house was just across the Emporium. It was past midnight already… we’re all tired… but we had fun… I took the elevator still singing the theme song… dan.. dan.. dandandan… dananandanandandandandan…

Sunday – last day of the VBS. It was a usual Sunday at first because even if we don’t have VBS, we have to do our regular Children’s Church. The number of kids increased compared to the first three days because of the regular Sunday kids. The kids had a good time - singing, playing, making crafts, learning Bible Stories and the most fun of all, receiving prizes. Can’t believe it’s over already. Just three weeks ago, me, Ivy and Ps. Jaimee were just walking around China Town buying materials for this event and now it’s finished. So after the thing, what should come after? Of course… CLEAN-UP TIME! Had to take out all the decorations and bring up all the materials we used. Past lunch time already… everyone is starving and nearly fainting… thanks to Col. Sanders – he saved our intestine’s life :)

From KFC, we went up to check the show time of Forbidden Kingdom. Actually, we’ve wanted to see this movie for like three weeks ago. But that time, it’s not showing yet and on the next weeks, we’ve been very busy. So this time is the perfect time for us. We’re all tired and we needed to relax. We need a good laugh and a good movie to entertain us.

Jackie Chan and Jet Li… YEAH MAN! Kung Fu Masters. Some people say it’s too cliché already… but I don’t care. Its Jackie Chan and Jet Li, man and they are together in a movie. It’s so fun seeing them both, making you thrilled, making you feel like you know Kung Fu… and making you laugh so loud (specially in that “peeing” part) Oh man, that was the most unforgettable scene in the movie, maybe cause it was so unexpected. Hahaha :D

After that, me, Kuya Ronald and Micah walked from Ekkamai to Thonglor and took BTS from Thonglor to Emporium. Maybe I was really tired that time cause I know I’m getting “toyo” already. Went home… ate Pancit Canton and do what I was destined to do in my life – Mango Float.

Monday’s holiday but I got work so have to wake up early again and prepare to go back to Rayong. It was a good weekend. It has fun and not-so-fun part. The rest of what happened… I’ll just have it off record...

** movie-addicts... (mga tambay sa sinehan) :P

back...(and hopefully won't be gone again)

wow...

my last post was last 2006. and its 2008 now.... its been more than a year...

been very busy...

but im back now :)

and like what i wrote in the title... hopefully i won't abandon this blog again after some time.