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"the story of the jealous brother"

02 June 2006, Friday, 7:30 pm at Ps. Danny's house
CROSSBEARERS: DIVING INTO THE PARABLES OF JESUS

The first parable is the well-known story of "THE LOST SON." Personally, I have heard and read this story for so many times (considering all the revisions and modernization applied to the story). And it really amaze me on how this "most-used" parable of JESUS has created such an impact on me and keep my mind thinking and pondering about that thing that God wanted to teach me.

Obviously, even without hearing the whole story, just stating the title "THE PARABLE OF THE LOST SON," we already have something in mind. "Oh, that's all about forgiveness, that story tells us of how much God is willing to accept us even if we turn our back on HIM... etc...etc..." Well, those things are right. This story really shows us how immeasurably great is the love of God for man. God's unconditional love is manifested when the Father ran to his child and welcome his son with open arms. WONDERFUL!

But as we look to the other side of the story, there's this one character that strikes me most - the older brother. He was furious when he heard that his father welcome his younger brother back - and worst, his father even throw a big party for him. So he ran over to his father and he poured out all his grudges towards the unfairness he felt. "You gave him the best party ever inspite of what he has done, but me, I have been serving you all the days of my life and you didn't bother to give me even a small gathering for my friends," this was the older brother's sentiments. And it made me think... "Yah, that's really unfair, why does the father doesn't give him a party?" I feel sad for the older brother, "he's been working so hard serving the father. He's trying his best to be a good son cause he knows that his younger brother broke his father's heart. Yah, things must have been really unfair for him..."

Then it strikes me, "Hey! Eloisa... why are you feeling like that? Why do you sympathize so much with that character..." And it dawned on me... I am defending the older brother because I see myself in him. There are times, I keep on reaching out to God, but I cannot find HIM. I keep on desiring things, but it seems that God cannot hear me... And during those times, I can't help but to see what's lacking in me and what other people has got... and then, it will just be so unfair... just like what the older brother feels.

With that in my mind, GOD HAS ANSWERED BACK TO ME.... Just like what the father has said to his older son "YOU HAVE BEEN WITH ME ALL THE TIME. WHATEVER I HAVE, YOU ALSO HAVE..." BOOM! Its like a meteor from the sky had fallen to my head. I just cant breathe upon this realization. It’s like someone is holding my heart and squeezing it so hard. ITS LIKE GOD IS SAYING “Hey! If you feel unfair, you should at least somehow consider how I feel. It’s like all of you people serve Me just because you wanted something from Me. AM I NOT ENOUGH?”

After that piece of thought, Ps. Danny asked us “What is more important, the gifts of God or the presence of God?”

God is slapping the truth in my face. Intense thoughts come to my mind. Putting myself into God’s shoes, I began to understand. Yah, if my family and friends would just love me because they’re benefiting something from me, I would also feel sad about it. Or maybe angry, specially if that time comes that they will accuse me of being unfair just because I can’t give them anymore those things that I used to give before. Woooohh! That might give me the Oscars Best Actress Award using the dialogue “Can’t you just love me for what I am?”

After this realization, I have made my own version of that confrontation scene. Well, I’m not twisting what’s in the Bible. I just wanted to share what God is teaching me through this story….

OLDER BROTHER: You gave him the best party ever inspite of what he has done. But me, I have been serving you all the days of my life and you didn’t bother to give me even a small gathering for my friends?
FATHER: Hey! Is that the reason why you stayed with me all these years? Because you want a party? Well, you should have said so… so I can save you from all the pretensions you have made by playing as a good son of mine. All your life you had been with me. I have took care of you all these years. You have been generously enjoying everything that I own. And now, you’re angry just because I throw your brother a party. I tell you, If I am not enough to you… all this things that I have won’t also be enough.

Huh! Thank God He is God and He doesn’t think like us humans. That eventhough we have no right to complain, He doesn’t react the same as the father in my own version of story. He’s still there to understand….Haiiiii…. THANK GOD!

Well, now I know, I may not receive “big parties” from GOD – but knowing that I have always been under God’s care – and I have been enjoying the privilege of having a FATHER with me all the time – THAT’S ENOUGH.

RIVERMAYA ROCKS!

“Am I real? Do the words I speak before you make you feel? That the love I lay for you will see no ending. Well if you look into my eyes then you should know. That there is nothing here to doubt, nothing to fear. And you can lay your questions down cause if you’ll hold me. We can fade into the night and you’ll know…”



These were the lines we’ve heard from the Rivermaya main man – RICO BLANCO. A pause – then screams (mostly comes from girls) then slowly, you’ll hear the crowd singing the chorus “the world could die and everything may lie still you shain’t cry. Cause time may pass but longer that it’ll last I’ll be by your side… forever by your side…” All hands were up and swinging from left to right as if someone was there guiding us.

07 May 2006 at RCA Bangkok, Thailand. A Rock Concert was held featuring the RIVERMAYA as the main band. The show started at 6pm with some other front acts from Thailand and Malaysia. It was good though, specially the one from Malaysia. A band called “Love Me Butch.” I’ve described them as “clean rockers.” Yeah, they really look tidy though they’re sweating so much while they’re doing those rock moves. It was fun watching them and listening to their music. Though it just seems like noise to other people, I did appreciate it. I mean, you’ll just have to see the music the way those rockers see them, right? Then you will feel, its not noise at all, it makes sense, actually.

Anyway, back to Rivermaya, they were scheduled at 9pm. Most of the Filipinos, like us, went there as early as 5pm. But most of them just roam around while some other bands were playing. As for me, I decided to watch all the bands that performed. Then as night is gradually approaching, little by little, you can see those Filipinos coming from every direction and started to occupy the space allotted for the viewers. It’s a dance floor. No chairs. Just a free space where the people can jump and dance as they please. Good thing was that I am already in the front row with my friends so we got the best view of the band.

Exactly 9pm, Mark, Rico and the other two new band members of Rivermaya walked up the stage. As Rico strums his guitar, you can hear the crowd go wild. We were shouting “Rivermaya! Rivermaya!” Rico just smiled, then he started to sing. And he started to rock on. Everybody is jumping to the beat and head banging. As I look at the back, I saw a lot of people. Filipinos, Thais and Westerners. Everybody is having fun. Then, a chanting begins “TAGALOG! TAGALOG!” Without further ado, Rico together with his bandmates started the intro of ELESI “Pag automatic na ang luha, tuwing maghahatinggabi…” The crowd grew wilder. All the girls, including me of course, were screaming and shouting and singing the song with them.

In the midst of the noise, a thought came to me, that all of the Filipinos there, no matter what profession were in, we are all sick. HOME SICK. And during that time, it felt like were healed. WE ARE HOME. We have a Filipino band performing in front of us and it really feels good. They even played the “Lupang Hinirang” but in tune with their songs, of course. And somehow you will feel, Filipinos are not really hopeless at all. Inspite of all those things that’s happening back in our country, we still have a lot of things to be proud of.

The concert went ok. They sang the medley of 214 and Balisong. Then, they’ve got some of their new stuffs with them. Hard rock, man! After that, they waved their first goodbye but no one in the crowd allowed them to go. Everybody shouted “MORE! MORE!” So they gladly obliged and sang the Spirits Theme Song “YOU’LL BE SAFE HERE,” When Rico was singing the last line of the song, no small noise or sound can be heard.“…put your heart in my hand, you’ll be safe here…” aaaaahhhhh! Same thing happened with their second goodbye. Just this time, they sang the patriotic “Awit ng Kabataan.” Rico even said we should explain it to the foreigners in there. “Kung gusto nyo kaming sabayan, bakit hindi nyo subukan… ang awit ng kabataan… ang awit ng panahon…” Wooohhh! Everyone is jumping spontaneously. That was my first time to be in a secular rock concert but I never felt scared that time. Maybe because I felt that everyone there is just longing for a clean fun – a “Filipino-thing” – and since their giving it to us, no one ever thinks of doing violent things. During their third goodbye, they said their thank you to all of us there. Specially for the support given to them because they won in the MTV Asia. After the speech, they rendered us one of their first songs which made them popular in the Philippines. “Isigaw mo sa hangin… tumindig at magsilbing… LIWANAG SA DILIM”

The fourth goodbye was the real one. Maybe the crowd realized that the band had already been very generous that’s why they didn’t request for more. After the show, I went to Starbucks near the concert place to get my things which I kept there. Unexpectedly, Rivermaya also went there. Without my knowledge, as I am as excited as ever, I talked to one of the crew and asked for water. She pointed the corner and said that I should ask the man who’s also drinking there. So I went there and said, “Pwede pong makiinom?” (I spoke Tagalog knowing that most of us there is Filipino) Then, the man in pink shirt turned and said “Pwedeng pwede po. Basta ikaw.” NYAY! It was Rico Blanco. Haaay! I was shocked. And he even served me a glass of water. Quite a nice guy. When I finally came back to my sense, I shake hands with him and said “Good job man! Galeng galeng… we really enjoyed it!” He replied, “Talaga? Nag-enjoy kayo? Thank you ha… ang saya nga dito eh..” What comes next is the natural thing to expect – PICTURE TAKING! Nayahahah :D

ang bespren ko doon...

This entry is all about my best friend - Alfred. Just last 08 May 2006, he graduated from College. Wow! He took up Criminology so right now; he's a certified policeman - by education. He still needs to undergo a six-months training and have to take a board exam before he will be recognized as a real "Public Law Enforcer."

He's been through a lot with regards to his studies. Actually, this is his third course. The first one is Management at UE, next is Custom at PMI and this is the last one. He didn't pursue the first two due to some problems - financial and some more. And maybe because, he really didn't fit into those stuffs. Maybe he's really meant to become a Policeman.

I have been a witness on how determined he is to finish his studies. Though financial problems keep on haunting him during the duration of his college life, it didn't bother him a bit. God has been a faithful provider to his education. I remember some incidents wherein they were really broke and the next day would be the examination day and he has to pay for it, but then, during the exact day that he needs the money, financial blessings will just come. God is really awesome! And He has His own way of doing things.

My role in his four-year education is that I have been his "Educational Counselor" (naks!) or in layman's term, I'm the great "free-tutor." We've got lots of happy and funny moments doing his assignments and research and reviewing for his exams. There was an incident, we made business out of doing a group project (nyahahah :D) yah, he volunteered to be the group leader and said that he'll take care of everything and then, the group just have to pay the expenses (plus the kickbacks, of course). And it happened several times so we've got good money which we spent eating at KFC. Well, its part of college life. Things like this really happened (nyahahaha :D defensive!)

The sad part about this graduation-thing is that I was not there to see it-huhuhu :( As much as I wanted to see him marching and going up the stage to accept his diploma, I cannot. Anyway, I know that he knows that I am sharing with his joys and I am rejoicing with him though I am here in Bangkok. And my heart is filled with happiness because I know that this graduation means a lot to him and his father. Well, it has been his utmost desire to offer his diploma to his dad - to be the first in the family to receive a college degree. As what he said, "it's like giving glory to the family."

Bespren, I'm so proud of you... Yabang naman! Les-pu ka na... pwede na pala akong manampal sa kalye pag bumalik ako diyan. Nyahahaha :D

an update...

yuhooo!
my cousin's already here in Thailand. they had a mission trip in Chiang Mai and on the 23rd of May, she will be coming here in Bangkok. i'm going to see her.... yehhheeeyyy!
i'm very excited to see my "bebi." she's not just my cousin, also one of my "alaga" and my connivance to all the "lakwatsa." haaayy! looks like sleepless nights and endless talks are approaching very soon....

"i-ready na ang mga bagong dandruff bebi"

songkran (thai water festival)

last April 12-15, 2006, Thailand has celebrated its new year. Its called Songkran. Its a water festival. i have heard a lot of stories about it. i just cant believe everything ive heard is true. so, because im a first timer, we went to Khao San Road on the first day of the festival. It is a place where all the people go and do nothing but to splash water to other people (as in cold water) and put some mud in your face and body. it was so much fun. i really enjoyed it eventhough we get tired of walking so long. every new experience is really enjoyable. and it is quite an unforgettable experience. its very nice to see all those people, whatever nationality, whatever language, whatever skin color, doing the same thing. everyone is acceptable. no exemptions. no discriminations. and from the stories ive heard from the "veterans", foreigners are really looking forward to this event. well, its very different from the "San Juan" we had in the Philippines. because here, no one gets annoyed if you get wet. eventhough you are in a nice attire during those times. to sum it up, it was really fun. fun, fun, fun... :D we've got some pics of it. see and enjoy!

two thumbs up!

"Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is it vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished, as the once vital voice of the verisimilitude now venerates what they once vilified. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose vis-à-vis an introduction, and so it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V."

have watched it the other night... well, what can i say? aaahhmmm... it just keeps me awake for almost two and a half hours, eventhough we got the last full show slot which started at 9:50pm. such an interesting film. not just a cheesy movie with a lead man in a mask. there's something deep within. it's not just how they have done the movie technically, not just the action stunts, not just the love story, but its how they have made the character... yah, they have been very successful in making the viewers love the characters of the movie. you will care for them as if, you are one of them. and politically wise, i think government leaders should watch it. it's like saying "hey, if you are thinking that your position makes you a real leader, well you better think twice." people won't listen to you just because you are there. they would listen to someone who has a purpose... someone who has an unusual integrity... someone who will care about them... for real.

i still have the hangover of it...so maybe you should see it for yourself... really, after watching it, i've got two thumbs up!

if you want something new, try this one.... two thumbs up!

last day :(

Haaay! (sigh) L There are really no happy goodbyes. Even though I haven’t got lots of friends in this company and have some valid reasons of resigning, it still didn’t feel good. Hhhaaayyy… life… anyway, God’s faithfulness never stop just because I’m moving out. Actually, I’m expecting more of God’s work in my life especially now that I’ll be having more time. More time for myself, more time for my family, more time for ministry and more time for God.

Hmmm… maybe I’ll just miss this place wherein I have been accustomed for 4 months. Maybe I’ll also miss those familiar faces that happen to be passing my way every now and then… and maybe… oh, not maybe… surely, I will miss the traffic in Sukhumvit area :D

waaahhhhh!!!!

miss ko na sila.... waaahhhhh!!!!!!

the story behind my first “CROSSBEARERS” experience…

I went here in Bangkok last July 19, 2005. So it has been more or less eight months of stay but it was just last March 11, 2006 when I first attended the Youth Group Fellowship here – THE CROSSBEARERS. I don’t know, you might find it surprising or you may not care but knowing the fact that I have been actively involved in a Youth Group in the Philippines, why just now?

The MFAG Youth Ministries that I have been involved with are very dear to me. I grew up in that group, have seen people come and go, have been a witness of God’s faithfulness to the ministry. Through times, God also gave me the opportunity to serve Him through YM. The young people were so close to me. Our house has been an extension of the fellowships. I have talked to almost all of them and have them share their problems with me. They look up to me and consider me as one of their big sister. It was fun having little friends. Sometimes, the joy of seeing this young people grew up before your eyes and see them doing the ministry is really unexplainable. It was like seeing your live trophy moving, doing things for the kingdom of GOD. So that was it… we were very close. That’s why my decision of coming here was very tough. The fact that I would leave them made me hard to breathe. But it happened. I’m here right now - a million miles away from them.

The pain of leaving them and the attachments I had with them were the reasons why I did not attend the youth group here. “I want to be in the safe zone,” that’s what I told myself. I would be saved from that kind of pain again if I would just reject that idea of being involved in a Youth Group. Not anymore. Since it’s not in my plan to stay here permanently, there should be no attachments. “No attachments, no pain” – I think that was my new motto here. It’s all been “I don’t want to get hurt again, I don’t want to feel that, I don’t like this, I’m not comfortable with that” reasoning. It’s all I… I… I… Then God reminded me, through the message of the Youth Pastor one Sunday. I think that was later part of 2005. Ptr. Danny was encouraging the people to get involved in the ministry especially in the Youth Group. He is declaring the joy that comes from serving God through the young people. I know it. I know that feeling. During the prayer time, I was crying. Then it was just like a ring of a bell when I saw myself in MFAG Roof deck, uttering the Prayer of Jabez, “oh, that you would bless me indeed and ENLARGE MY TERRITORY…” God took my prayers seriously, and He intended to do it literally. Literally in the sense that I was brought here in Thailand. Some of you who have prayed that prayer may receive a different answer. But as for me, it is clear, I am here for a purpose. God didn’t allow me to be here just to become a flower vase – a display. He has it in HIS mind to use me just as He is using me back in the Philippines.

But just a hard-headed as I am, I still reasoned out. I am already in the Children’s Ministry, I think that would be ok. But I know I’m not. I am having that kind of deep longings in my heart to be with the young people. It is like the need of being with them is running in my blood. So I just decided, “Ok Lord, I won’t ask you for a sign or a special event to happen just to prove me that this is what You want for me. For I know, that this really is Your will. But I’m not yet prepared. You see, I still have these emotional baggages that I am carrying.” So just as I expected, God made a way out for me. After the breakthrough that I had experienced with Him (specially in the emotional area of my life) He reminded me once again, “This is the time.”
“Yes Lord. And this time, no more excuses.” I answered.

March 10, 2006, Friday. “Ahm, you have encouraged the congregation before to help in the Youth Group right? So I was about to say that I’m interested of helping out. I mean, I just wanted to join the Youth Group first and observe and see what can I contribute later on.” That was the line I was practicing to say to Ptr. Danny. I am really prepared to talk to Him that night before the fellowship start. But as early as 11am that day, someone was calling on my phone. It was Ptr. Danny. Guess what he said? “You know, Eloisa, I have learned that you have been a Youth Leader in the Philippines, would you be interested if I asked you to help out in the Youth Ministry here?” HAHAHA! Praise God! (Galeng galeng talaga!)

The answer I gave him was pretty obvious. Anyway, there was no Fellowship that night to give way to the Prayer Meeting. The youths just attended there. And the fellowship was moved the next day as a celebration of Jonathan’s birthday. That was my first Youth Fellowship experience here. It really feels good being with the young ones. You know, it was like a thorn in my heart was taken out while I was watching them swimming, playing, teasing each other. There’s that comfort that I felt and a deep satisfaction knowing that I’m on track again.

“God, I don’t know how to explain this kind of feeling. But I know, it only comes from you,” I told God. And He reassured me. “I am the One who planted that love in your heart, don’t be troubled. And that love is not limited. I can use you whenever, wherever and whatever way that I wanted.”

hhhmmm… that was quite a reassurance….

why "The Beloved?"

/beloved/ – somebody who is loved very much, darling, adored, dearly-loved

It may be as common as sweetheart or honey or baby… but for me it means something else… something more intense, with more passion, with deep intimacy. Just try imagining “Eloisa – The Beloved” wow! What a feeling!

“…for I have transgressed and He loved me still…”

I am an ordinary person… living in an ordinary world. I have different experiences, unique ways to live life, diverse reactions in circumstances. But I am no exception. I have sinned… and made offense… but HE LOVED ME STILL. It’s a well-known fact. I know it. All of us knew it. But I’m still overwhelmed. Maybe because I am a late-bloomer in terms of really understanding that matter. You see, knowing something doesn’t equal to understanding that thing. And I am overjoyed because I have finally comprehended the reality of that truth …that my God has died for me… for this offender whom He has chosen to love.

I will always be thrilled looking forward to that day when I will face my Creator and I will hear HIM say “ELOISA – MY BELOVED.”

a lead up...

Bloggers, say hello to a new friend! (that's me) Well, I’ve just been inspired through some other blogs that I’ve read. I’m a born writer and a reader as well - a writer in the sense that every thing that happened in my life is recorded and the proof are the notebooks I had while I’m still in school. Not that you will see all the lessons from the class but if you start browsing from the back, you will find all the writings and drawings that I made while the class is going on (badgirl!) And also, I kept a lot of journals, diaries and that-kind-of-thing thing (whatever you want to call it). And I’m a reader in the sense that I like to read a lot. (obviously :D) Love to read books, comics, text messages, letters, and even those things written in a canned sardines or a chips wrapper, I think I also read that.

So you see, I have all the reason in this world why I should have a blog (anyway, is there anyone objecting that I should have one?) Nonetheless, let me start by sharing to you what you can expect from this blog. Basically, it will be all about me (of course, this is mine. If you want to read something about yourself, better make your own blog). My thoughts, my experiences (can be something that happened in the past or presently happening), my love ones, my mistakes, my dreams, my wildest dreams (its different from plainly “dreams”), my this, my that, and some other my’s.

Well, honestly saying, I don’t really know if there would be someone who would waste his/her time just to read this. But I don’t care. I don’t need a fans club anyway. I just need an outlet . And this is it. MY BLOG – A DWELLING FOR MY WHIMSIES.