the story behind my first “CROSSBEARERS” experience…

I went here in Bangkok last July 19, 2005. So it has been more or less eight months of stay but it was just last March 11, 2006 when I first attended the Youth Group Fellowship here – THE CROSSBEARERS. I don’t know, you might find it surprising or you may not care but knowing the fact that I have been actively involved in a Youth Group in the Philippines, why just now?

The MFAG Youth Ministries that I have been involved with are very dear to me. I grew up in that group, have seen people come and go, have been a witness of God’s faithfulness to the ministry. Through times, God also gave me the opportunity to serve Him through YM. The young people were so close to me. Our house has been an extension of the fellowships. I have talked to almost all of them and have them share their problems with me. They look up to me and consider me as one of their big sister. It was fun having little friends. Sometimes, the joy of seeing this young people grew up before your eyes and see them doing the ministry is really unexplainable. It was like seeing your live trophy moving, doing things for the kingdom of GOD. So that was it… we were very close. That’s why my decision of coming here was very tough. The fact that I would leave them made me hard to breathe. But it happened. I’m here right now - a million miles away from them.

The pain of leaving them and the attachments I had with them were the reasons why I did not attend the youth group here. “I want to be in the safe zone,” that’s what I told myself. I would be saved from that kind of pain again if I would just reject that idea of being involved in a Youth Group. Not anymore. Since it’s not in my plan to stay here permanently, there should be no attachments. “No attachments, no pain” – I think that was my new motto here. It’s all been “I don’t want to get hurt again, I don’t want to feel that, I don’t like this, I’m not comfortable with that” reasoning. It’s all I… I… I… Then God reminded me, through the message of the Youth Pastor one Sunday. I think that was later part of 2005. Ptr. Danny was encouraging the people to get involved in the ministry especially in the Youth Group. He is declaring the joy that comes from serving God through the young people. I know it. I know that feeling. During the prayer time, I was crying. Then it was just like a ring of a bell when I saw myself in MFAG Roof deck, uttering the Prayer of Jabez, “oh, that you would bless me indeed and ENLARGE MY TERRITORY…” God took my prayers seriously, and He intended to do it literally. Literally in the sense that I was brought here in Thailand. Some of you who have prayed that prayer may receive a different answer. But as for me, it is clear, I am here for a purpose. God didn’t allow me to be here just to become a flower vase – a display. He has it in HIS mind to use me just as He is using me back in the Philippines.

But just a hard-headed as I am, I still reasoned out. I am already in the Children’s Ministry, I think that would be ok. But I know I’m not. I am having that kind of deep longings in my heart to be with the young people. It is like the need of being with them is running in my blood. So I just decided, “Ok Lord, I won’t ask you for a sign or a special event to happen just to prove me that this is what You want for me. For I know, that this really is Your will. But I’m not yet prepared. You see, I still have these emotional baggages that I am carrying.” So just as I expected, God made a way out for me. After the breakthrough that I had experienced with Him (specially in the emotional area of my life) He reminded me once again, “This is the time.”
“Yes Lord. And this time, no more excuses.” I answered.

March 10, 2006, Friday. “Ahm, you have encouraged the congregation before to help in the Youth Group right? So I was about to say that I’m interested of helping out. I mean, I just wanted to join the Youth Group first and observe and see what can I contribute later on.” That was the line I was practicing to say to Ptr. Danny. I am really prepared to talk to Him that night before the fellowship start. But as early as 11am that day, someone was calling on my phone. It was Ptr. Danny. Guess what he said? “You know, Eloisa, I have learned that you have been a Youth Leader in the Philippines, would you be interested if I asked you to help out in the Youth Ministry here?” HAHAHA! Praise God! (Galeng galeng talaga!)

The answer I gave him was pretty obvious. Anyway, there was no Fellowship that night to give way to the Prayer Meeting. The youths just attended there. And the fellowship was moved the next day as a celebration of Jonathan’s birthday. That was my first Youth Fellowship experience here. It really feels good being with the young ones. You know, it was like a thorn in my heart was taken out while I was watching them swimming, playing, teasing each other. There’s that comfort that I felt and a deep satisfaction knowing that I’m on track again.

“God, I don’t know how to explain this kind of feeling. But I know, it only comes from you,” I told God. And He reassured me. “I am the One who planted that love in your heart, don’t be troubled. And that love is not limited. I can use you whenever, wherever and whatever way that I wanted.”

hhhmmm… that was quite a reassurance….